Coach suggested to find love for yourself , but all I feel is self-pity

Just had 20 min session and that gave me more to think about comparing to what I came with , so to speak .
I’m not grasping the concept of “falling in love again before leaving your partner If you still want to “, job , etc .
In my own manual for myself – when you love you stay , and if you don’t , you leave , otherwise why would you want to leave someone or something if you feel love .
I don’t want to feel love for my husband because it means to accept him as he is – rude , calling me names , screaming , driving dangerously with me in car , i also know ( intellectually ) that the feeling is mine to feel , and no one else needs to know about it . I am feeling compassion towards him – he must be hurting If he needs to behave this way , but at the same time I want to feel compassion for myself , instead self – pity comes up and I start to cry .
Thoughts like “ I deserve better “, “ we are over “, “we are not good together “, “ we are no longer partners”, “it’s not fair “, “ I pull all the financial weight “, etc , of course my brain finds evidence to proof all these thoughts”.
Also , I don’t think he loves me anymore or even ever … I have been providing financial security and I don’t think he even loves me , he blames me for not “providing “ him with sex , at the same time I don’t observe any indications of sexual desire towards me , I catch myself on day dreaming and see myself somewhere else with someone else next to me – and that’s feels good . I feel that this is my escape from reality , and my work is not in those moments but in right now . Need help to untangle . Thank you