Controlling relationship? When to leave

I’m in a relationship with a girl who has displayed random outbursts of anger since I met her. I know that is my thought – but it is how I would describe it. I’ve tried to be as factual as possible in my C.

Her anger comes from insecurity, which I completely understand. But I’m now questioning whether I want to stay in the relationship.

My main reasons for staying are that I do love the parts of her that are kind and loving. I’m also worried that leaving means I’m blaming her for my emotions and not doing thought work enough to just be happy with her actions and not let them impact me.

If anyone could help that would be amazing!

C: M has spoken to me in an angry tone and told me I should behave differently 11 times (that I can remember) in the last 6 months. During each conversation she’s raised her voice. Examples below:

– When I wanted to watch a social media webinar
– When she realized I had my ex on Facebook
– When I made a joke about blow jobs
– When she saw me on Instagram not social distancing during a walk with a friend
– When I told her I’d come off my sertraline
– When my mum drove my sisters friend to a party (COVID-19 risk)
– When she thought about the fact I’d had a threesome in the past
– When she thought I shouldn’t be friends with Jasmine anymore
– When she noticed I hadn’t deleted Scott of Instagram
– When I had lunch with work people
– When she disagreed with my Instagram post

T: I don’t know if I want to be with someone who tries to control my actions and gets angry when I don’t obey

F: Confused

A: Question whether I’m just not managing my mind enough to make myself feel okay with how she acts, google what controlling behavior looks like, read posts on the Clutch to try and find answers, imagine how horrible it will be if I end it, feel guilt, doubt myself

R: I spin in confusion