My question is specifically about Step #9: Proper Boundaries in Relationships. This was a game-changer for me because I have been struggling in my marriage, specifically with resentment because my husband and I have not been intimate sexually for an entire year, and his lack of interest in this way has been ongoing for about 2 years but now it’s getting worse. I don’t know how creating boundaries will “fix” the underlying lack of intimacy/partnership problem. So I hope you can help!

I have addressed this with him several times and have asked why in an confrontational way, and he has always answered in a non-defensive way. His usual answers are: “I’m so sorry, I’m just so tired after a long day of work,”… another more telling response: “relationships can change as we age I guess.” When I’ve asked him to go with me to see someone to discuss this he refuses and says: “There’s no problem.”

So now I’m left with choosing my own feelings and decisions …

I realize that when I stop expecting him to change (as Brooke explains in Step #9) then how I view the relationship can change immensely, because I’m no longer creating disempowerment for myself, and I’m letting go of wanting him to change BUT is there really away to stay in my relationship and accept with joy how things are when I actually feel a void inside because my relationship lacks romantic intimacy and healthy partnership? Before I can even figure this out, I need to gain some wisdom and clarity to know which is the right step and I’m not sure how to do that.

Thank you for your help!