I have an employee. She sent this to me.
“I work and work hard to prove my worth. I want to be important to you and I need to feel needed. It goes back to offering you thoughts, I know, but it’s rooted in my need to feel important – and I haven’t been able to find it yet within myself. Intellectually I know that you and your thoughts cannot be in my models, so I’m not sure what to do with it, so I just work on the tentacles instead of the core issue. In order for me to be fully honest, I need some comfort in knowing that it won’t affect how you see me as an employee/contractor.”
Today I coached her on two things:
1 – You have to cultivate the need and importance. It’s your job. And if you require that of me just know you are working for the wrong person. I give what I give. In my mind it is plentiful!
2 -You have worked a lot of ineffective models and effective models on the same ole stuff. You do well most of the time moving out of the needy/creepy stuff. LOL So, put in your C line “She sees me differently now.”
And I told her she could use creepy/needy to really get down to the nitty gritty.
My thought on coaching that way was to move her away from just finding her own need and approval but to find an effective model with her “worst fear” coming true. Someone basically thinking poorly of her, her work, etc.
I am curious if there is anything missing I could offer? She’s a rockstar employee. I do tell her often she’s doing a good job. She doesn’t at the core believe it and seeks evidence in my communication to invalidate herself. She is proving what she doesn’t believe.
I appreciate any thoughts on my coaching or any extra thoughts you have.