I’m a liar. I am afraid to tell the most important people in my life the truth. It’s one of the biggest “Dares” for me to find the courage to speak my truth to my partner as well as in other meaningful relationships. I know I’m trying to control how they feel. I’m trying to control their disappointment; their hurt feelings. I know that I can’t control any of that in my brain. I know I’m only responsible for my own thoughts/feelings/actions, and yet the unintentional thought of being responsible for other’s feelings can is my go-to thought. It can feel worse to think I’m responsible for other’s thoughts/feelings than my being willing to feel my own feelings.
So, here’s my models:
C- speaking my truth
T- saying what I really want will hurt her feelings/piss her off
F- F-ing scared.
A- don’t tell my full truth, or soften it or change it somehow
R- I hurt my own feelings
C-speaking my truth
T- even if my truth doesn’t go over well with her, I have honored myself by telling it.
F- authentic, empowered.
A- I tell my truth, and ‘allow’ her (and me!) to feel whatever she feels.
R- I honored myself and had my own back
It’s the believing of the intentional “T” that is difficult for me at times. Right now, it seems doable, but when faced with needed to speak my truth, it’s incredibly hard for me.
Thanks for any and all of your input!