I met someone I really liked at first. We went on a couple of dates.

On the first date, he told me he’d gone to prison for 5.5 years for transmission of child pornography. At times I was able to see that as a neutral circumstance. In other moments I was scared and wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue dating him.

On the second date, I wasnt sure I wanted to pursue dating him and I went anyway. He said that he was afraid he’d never see me again after that night. He said he thought he’d never date again because of his background. He told me he loved me. He said things like I’m so glad I found you. You’re amazing.

After date 2, I coached myself to the space of love and compassion and thought about what I want long term. I heard Brooke coach someone to ask “is this my husband?” Which has really been clarifying for me when I use that. When I think of the future, I want my husband to be secure in himself and not be desperate for a relationship. I want him to know what he wants and not compromise on his values. I want him to already know that he wants a family. I want someone with a future vision for their life. I actually want someone who believes they would be fine either way, with or without the relationship. I want love to be the foundation, not fear.

After date 2 I told him that I want to have a family one day and I hope we can be just friends (he had shared that he doesn’t want kids). Now he’s saying he’ll do whatever it takes to have me by his side and reconsidering whether he wants kids. He reacted very negatively to my telling him my truth and called and texted multiple times over the span of a couple days. The truth is, I’m freaked out by his being in prison and now how he is smothering me and giving up his values. I also know he’s just been in survival mode and doesn’t have a vision for his future because he told me lol.

On our third date he gave me a key to his apartment.

I am struggling to discern if this is my old patterning of ending relationships (I’ve ended 5/6 relationships I’ve been in) or if this is founded. I wanted to get coached on this at the modelthon but I also don’t want to wait lol.

I think he’s being needy and sometimes creepy and seems to be driven by fear of not ever being in a relationship. When his focus isn’t on me, like when he’s talking about a hobby he’s passionate about, I find him very attractive. When his focus is on me and making this relationship work, I think he’s desperate and I feel really uneasy and I want to get out of there. I see that I’ve not committed to my past decision that I just want to be friends bc I let him kiss me when I didn’t want it and I basically violated myself. I’m afraid to have this conversation all over again with him. I’m afraid of how he’ll react if I tell him for sure I just want to be friends and that he’ll make it mean something terrible about himself. I know I can’t control how he reacts or what he thinks of himself or anything.