Dealing with Mom

Hi Brook,

My mom and I are not very close for many reasons. I’m learning through your help and modeling how to handle her i.e., things she say’s, etc. I have 3 siblings and all of us have a very mixed relationship with her. She divorced my Dad 40 years ago and still hasn’t moved on and blames it all on him to name a few of her of her “crazy thinking” ideas. Needless to say, we were not raised by functioning parents (not that I’m complaining). Modeling has really helped… and less buffering with over drinking. 🙂 To make a long story short, my two sisters and mom deliberately planned a trip to Ireland around a time knowing I could not possibly make it that time. My mom really didn’t care if I went or not. My other sister was paying (mom has very little money) and she really wanted to go back and visit (that is where she is from). Alas, I have been extremely angry about it and I am slowly coming to terms through your coaching and modeling (thank you very much). My mom has also been a little distant with me as well. I’m not quite sure why. She gets like that at times. She has a very hard time getting along with anyone especially her own sisters. She can never talk to them without having a fight with them. But she is always trying to encourage me and my two sisters to stay close which seems so contradictory to me. She basically doesn’t practice what she preaches and she is NEVER ever wrong. She is always the victim. However, she has heard through my brother that I’m going through a difficult time with my 18 year old son with autism and has left me 2 messages on the phone that sounded so sympathetic stating she is “praying for me”… fyi, she is very religious but has a difficult time following “the ways of the Lord” so to speak. She is also very proud. She has told everyone at her church about my son and has still not told any of her siblings. This used to hurt me but I got over it. Anyway I find myself extremely anxious about returning her call. Every time I think about it I get so anxious so I did a model.

C – Phone call to Mom
T- She is going to say something that will “irch” me.
F- Anxious that I might lash out
A- Avoid calling
R- Finally when I do call I’ll get a snide comment “Well hello, laugh laugh cackle” so you are finally calling me back. Note the “cackle ” is her way of showing “she doesn’t get mad because she is religious”. OR

C – Phone call to Mom
T- She’s concerned about me and my family.
F- Thankful I have a mom
A- Call her
R- Have a nice conversation.

Most of the time modeling has been working for me but this time I feel like I’m still resisting. I’m not thankful to have a mom.. gosh how selfish am I. How horrible can I be? I mean I should love my mom right? She’s 84 years old for goodness sakes. I can’t seem to work out this model. In one study group modeling class, the coach talked about working the model starting from the result I want. “Have a good conversation with my mom” but I’m still feeling anxious. Should I just put off calling her and perpectuate my situation. No. I know that’s not right. Any thoughts. Help! 🙂