I feel depressed. It feels like a hole or weight on my chest, my members are a bit numb and I’m slower at doing things, I don’t really want to do anything, I’d rather come back to bed.

I can see some models related to this: I’m disappointed that the launch of my last book is over, we haven’t had sex for a long time with my boyfriend.

UM
C book signing event
T my book is not a big success after all
F disappointed
A collect evidences that it’s not a big success
R I make my book a failure

C my boyfriend and I are sleeping in the same bed (= no sex put in a neutral C?)
T We are not a real couple
F depressed
A don’t reach out, critique him and the relationship in my head, think about leaving him
R I separate from him

IM
C book signing event
T This is good to know I’d like to experience a bigger success.
F aware
A design the success I want for my next book, collect evidence that my last book is already a success
R I become the successful person I want to be

C my boyfriend and I are sleeping in the same bed
T We are like all other couple at a certain age
F neutral
A reach out, don’t dramatize, read a book, accept my boyfriend as he is, talk to him
R I’m part of this couple

This depression is very familiar. It’s been 2 years now I’m practicing the model and I’m still depressed. I guess I just have to accept it.
Yesterday I thought “Well, if I can’t feel better than that, I guess I could leave SCS. This is useless to pay for this program.”
Is the point to just watch myself feeling depressed?
Or try to improve my mood? It seems like this is not “working”.