I’m having lots of thoughts. I am very close with my boss (professionally) and I want to quit my job. I’ve been building a side coaching business for years, and I have been getting a master’s degree to become a psychotherapist and haven’t told him. I feel terribly guilty and I feel like I’m a liar. He asked me today about promoting me to his job if he were to take a promotion. I feel like a lying sack of sh*t because I haven’t been being transparent with him. I know I don’t owe him anything, but we are friends.
C I am friends with boss, he asks me about promotion
T I am lying sack of sh*t
A I talked to my boss on the phone, I messaged my friend and told her what happened, I went and got my eyebrows waxed, I went for a walk, I got some cream for my coffee in the morning, took a bath, and now I’m here. Like, none of that seems to be creating my reality. So I’m confused. Yes, I got very into my ego story, playing the “tapes” in my head about how I’m a bad person, reviewing in my head how I’m ever going to quit, getting nervous about quitting…I feel a pit in my stomach, my mind is racing, I just have thoughts on repeat about how am I going to do this? Again, none of this seems to be directly creating anything, really – is it?
R My reality stays exactly the same. I have an achy pit in my stomach, a sick feeling, a huge weight on my shoulders.
Maybe my A line is that “I continue to do the same things I always do,” and my R line is that “Nothing changes, and I continue to feel like a liar?”
I feel really stuck. Which quickly turns into frustration
C feeling stuck
T I’m making no progress
A I guess all I do here is I try to feel my feeling all the way through, I feel an immense weight, fast moving red zig zaggy energy and like I actually want to explode
R Nothing. Nothing is happening. I’m still just sitting here on the damn couch, feeling frustrated
Then I ask what I’m doing wrong…
T I’m doing something wrong
A Have thoughts about thoughts about thoughts about thoughts about thoughts – that’s all that’s happening. I take no other actions.
R I further wonder that the hell I’m doing wrong
So I sit here feeling guilty and frustrated and hopeless wondering what I’m doing wrong and beating myself up for not making any progress.
I really don’t understand how this fits into the model, and I don’t know how to work my way out of this model, either.