I have a family doctor that is absolutely amazing and thorough and each year when I come for my annual exam he dedicated at least an hour and ask lots of questions.

He is also a doctor who is very concerned with weight and always advises his patients to get to the lowest BMI possible, due to risk of diseases.

Last time I saw him I was 15 pounds overweight and my blood test showed slightly high cholesterol and he wanted me to take medicine for that.
I refused and told him I can lose this weight and start exercising and improve my cholesterol.

Since that exam I gained 20 more pounds, haven’t exercised and ate lots of flour and sugar.
I imagine my upcoming blood work will show that my cholesterol isn’t great.

I have been postponing my exam because I want to see him and show him that I lost the weight and that I don’t need medications.

My Model:

C = Upcoming Annual Exam
T = I am in a worse shape than he saw me last time
F = Shame
A = Postpone the appointment several times, try fasting in order to hurry weight loss, worry.
R = I am gaining even more weight, I don’t get my health in check.

I was trying to ask myself if there are other ways I can think about the upcoming appointment, which is in 3 weeks and I know for a fact that I will be losing very little weight until then.
Here are some thoughts I tried on:

He can say whatever he wants, this is my body.
I will tell him that I have been through a very hard and stressful year.

Both these thoughts actually don’t feel good.
Perhaps it’s because I, myself, feel shame about how I have been eating this past year and my weight gain.

I wonder if you might suggest how to coach myself about it.