I want to improve my self-care routine and discover that it’s quite hard for me to put things on my calendar that are fun to me. I can’t think of anything. All the things that do me well – read a good book, do yoga, go for a walk – are things I kind of have to kick myself in the butt to get up and do them. If I put them on my calendar it feels like “oh no another thing on the list” and not like “yeah this is for me, I’m looking forward to it”. I can’t use those as a reward after 2h of working for example. The only fun thing I can think of is to meet one of my friends who is hilarious.

Even meeting most of my other friends seems like something I have to motivate myself. I’d much rather stay home and do nothing, and I don’t mean Netflix, I mean stay in bed and stare at the wall and feel that I don’t have to do anything. when I do that, after an hour or so I’ll get bored and slip into social media buffering and then feel guilty afterward because I have wasted the precious stare at the wall time. As I describe it I notice more than ever that there is something wrong with this dynamic but can’t put my finger on it. Any help?