I have a part of me that likes to check things. The part that’s updating my budget constantly, weighing myself frequently, checking my email subscribers obsessively. It wants to check to make sure that everything is okay. I’m going to put the “checking” in the A line and see what we get. I know it’s because I’m scared that ‘something is going to go wrong’. I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
C Urge to check Email list
T Let’s just make sure that everything is still okay
F anxiety, worry, fear
A check email subs multiple times a day
Okay, that’s fine, I see that this is happening. But what do I do with this information? I think I fundamentally AM scared that something is going to go wrong, and I want to make sure I catch it early and fix it. But what’s happening is the same thing that happens when I check my weight:
Down a lb – phew, okay, things are going to be ok today…feel relieved
Up a lb – nothing I do works, what are we going to do, we have to change something (or get depressed)….feel panicked
Up a subscriber – phew, okay, things are working…feel relieved
No new subscribers – what am I don’t wrong, this isn’t working, I have to fix something now, I don’t know what to fix…feel panicked
There are full on models for each of these things, right.
I can totally see what’s happening in the unintentional models. I feel anxious so I want to check, and then depending on the results I either relieve my anxiety or create more.
I can’t think of any new thoughts that I actually believe besides what I’m offering in my unintentional models. I AM actually afraid that something is going to go wrong and I have to check that it hasn’t, and I don’t believe any BS like “maybe it’s fine!”.
I’m trying to think of how to overcome this. Do I have to imagine the worst case scenario? I feel like I’m running from my feeling of anxiety and I can’t truly get to an intentional model that I believe as a result.