I ended a 6-month relationship about 4 weeks ago. Although there were a lot of things I liked about this guy, for various reasons I knew it was not what I wanted, the main one being he wanted a serious committed thing. I do not want that with anyone at the moment, and did not want it with him in particular. I did not want a committed thing with him specifically because there were some serious differences in politics/values that made it hard to be around him sometimes (like he didn’t recycle and was ultra conservative, and he is anti immigration (I am not anti immigration and I am also an immigrant). Now, just in the past week my dreams are full of real-seeming scenarios where I reach out and we are together again. When I wake up I think it was real and need to check my phone to reassure myself I didn’t text him. Even awake I find myself replaying moments of him being kind, and caring and suddenly I can’t remember any of the reasons I wanted it to end. I was relieved in the first few weeks, I think because a decision had been made and so I didn’t have the worry constantly going through my mind of “should I end this or agree to be exclusive.”

Nothing has changed. I do not want to get into a serious / exclusive relationship at the moment. I am still uncomfortable and disagree with a lot of the things he says and thinks. But I liked being around him, talking to him and feeling wanted. I am thinking “I miss him and he was lovely.” The feeling is “longing” and the action going to be “text him” (so far it has been “resist texting”). I need to work out a T that stops me texting him, maybe “He is great and it wouldn’t be fair to reach out and reopen this”, “You will be grateful you rode this out and didn’t re-complicate things”, “Being with him was nice, but ultimately not what you want.”