Eating out of protocol / with flexible protocol

Hello, I have been working on emotional eating for a long time, still on my journey.
Here are two thoughts that come up really frequently in my days. They tend to arise when I dont have a protocol set, but actually even if I have a protocol but I am eating just because it is written on the paper sheet and I am not focusing on listening to my body cues. So the thoughts are very simple, they come after the meal

“I ate too much”, “I ate too little”

In their models

C: meal
T: “I ate too much”
F: regret or shame
A: spin beating myself up, with varying intensity, but still going back to the thought that I should have done differently
R: pattern does not change

C: meal
T: “I ate too little”
F: depleted
A: either I eat more either I have my mind going recurrently back to food
R: great amount of energy lost

All in all, my main goal is to shift to a model where F=care free. Any suggestions? Thanks