Yesterday, I had a screaming match with an attorney representing the opposing side during a status conference call with the court. The judge yelled at us to stop and told us he would not tolerate this behavior from attorneys. I’m embarrassed and cried for about a half hour after the call.

Putting my “yelling” into the A line, I can see what caused this:

C: E says, “We’ve been trying to settle this case since 2010” and I say, “Well I wasn’t even practicing law in 2010, but here we are.” E says more words.
T: He’s blaming me for shit I didn’t even do
F: Defensive
A: Yell
R: I’m blaming him for shit too.

T: [Who the fuck is he talking to?!] Q in T line translated to: He can’t talk to me like that
F: Anger
A: Yell
R: I’m talking to him like that.

T: I fucking hate this case
F: Helpless
A: Yell
R: I create the experience of hating this case more.

Some Ts & Fs after the fact:
T: I can’t believe I did that
F: Embarrassed
T: After all that inner work at Mastermind, this is what the fuck I do?!!!
F: Shame
T: Everyone is going to know I’m a fraud of a life coach since I can’t even keep my cool on a fucking status call
F: Shame
T: That guy is an asshole.
F: Anger
T: I know it’s just my thoughts that are causing this
F: Angry Awareness (I’m making this up but it’s going to stay for now)
T: Of course I got upset
F: Self Compassion

I haven’t blown up like that in years. But writing this out explains why I did it and I feel a lot better already. But I would like some feedback on my partial Models because I’m still spinning and ruminating about what happened. I want to process the emotions but I don’t want to indulge in them.