Wanting to change the circumstance and go back in time and wish it hadn’t happened – I realise that’s impossible but my emotional childhood is causing me such stress. I can’t speak to a coach live because I just end up crying. I want to move on but my thoughts keep me spinning in an unhealthy and it’s now feeling like an indulgence. It’s like a never-ending anticipated grief. If she had died I would have been more accepting but for a vibrant woman to be struck down in such a dreadful and disabling way is awful. This actually feels like a fright without an end.

C Mum had a catastrophic stroke 2 years ago
T I wish this hadn’t happened
F Devastated
A Resist, rant, curl up, do nothing useful
R I’m stuck, I’m not moving forwards, I’m resisting

C Mum had a catastrophic stroke 2 years ago
T I can’t cope
F Lost (indulgent)
A Resist, refuse to accept things as they are
R I’m stuck, I’m not moving forwards, I’m resisting

C Mum had a catastrophic stroke 2 years ago
T That’s going to be challenging for me to handle but I will have to (?)
F Empowered
A Do what I can to help her, make sure she has the best care
R I’m at peace with where she is and that she’s being looked after. I learn to manage my emotions

Please help me think better thoughts. She’s in the best nursing home and I can visit when I want to – I choose to do that once a week because anymore would be too much for me. This seems to be governing my whole way of life and I feel as if I’m spinning my wheels until she passes away.

C Mum had a catastrophic stroke 2 years ago
T I wish this hadn’t happened
F Devastated
A Resist, rant, curl up, do nothing useful
R I’m stuck, I’m not moving forwards, I’m resisting

C Mum had a catastrophic stroke 2 years ago
T I can’t cope
F Lost (indulgent)
A Resist, refuse to accept things as they are
R I’m stuck, I’m not moving forwards, I’m resisting

C Mum had a catastrophic stroke 2 years ago
T That’s going to be challenging for me to handle but I will have to
F Empowered
A Do what I can to help her, make sure she has the best care
R I’m at peace with where she is and that she’s being looked after. I learn to manage my emotions