Hi there,
So… I am trying to create or hold a boundary but am having a hard time. My ex husband keeps refusing to stick to our schedule… He has abdicated parenting days at the last minute with no warning to go on vacation with his girlfriend even though I already had plans… and he has quite literally taken our kids on vacation days early or returned them days late… Last Christmas I allowed him 10 extra days on the back end because the kids had the virtual school option and so I said he could do it if they kept up with their work.. Well… he stole (literally booked tickets without permission for an entire week before vacation and didn’t tell me till the last minute) plus took two extra weeks on the back side and took them for a total of over 5 weeks!!!! One of my sons was failing every single subject by the time they got back.. I said never again… I give an inch and you take a mile. He now wants to take one of our sons on a vacation over Thanksgiving (which is a 10 day vacation) and insists it’s not long enough and he needs 4 extra days not even taking into consideration that he’ll need time to recover from jet lag! Our divorce agreement is very clear on this and after last year I said I couldn’t allow that but how about two extra days for travel days to be nice – he said he needed more.. which I know will turn into even more… he has set precedent after precedent… So now he has enlisted my son to argue his case for him and so now my son thinks I am being petty and mean to not let them take more days off from school. I am so furious that my ex involved our son in an adult matter that shouldn’t even enter his awareness. I am so angry!!!!

C- Ex husband told son about our conversation and now son is telling me that Dad should be allowed to take him out of school to go on a trip.
T- Ex husband should not be involving our son in these issues.
F- Angry
A – Write him a letter (but don’t send it) / yelled at my son/ explained to my son/ spiraling in head / not doing what I need to do for homework and my exam / complaining to my mother
R – I am interacting with my son on these adult issues….

C – Ex husband is telling me he’s taking 4 extra days from school
T – He legally cannot do this (we have a legal divorce agreement)
F – Angry
A – Spinning out – threatening to call lawyer – writing to him – calling my mom
R – He is doing it anyway….

Ugh!!!

C – Ex husband says he taking kid out of school for days.
T – I cannot believe he doing this AGAIN!
F – Frustrated
A – Same things…
R – He’s doing it again

I can try an intentional model – like below which gives me some relief but this is so challenging! I am using the urge jar to try not to yell… haven’t needed it in a while but think I need to break it out… I am so urging to involve his mother (who is paying for their trip and says that our son cannot miss any school) because I know she’ll cancel the whole thing but I don’t want to punish my son… I am urging to unload these emotions onto anyone who will listen but I know it just has a net negative effect but…. it’s so hard holding these emotions!!!! They feel like they will burn me up alive!

C – Ex husband says he is taking kids out of school for four days
T – I am so glad that I have people here who see what he is doing…
F – Some relief
A – Breathe
R – I have people who get me…