Failure is difficult for me

Hi Brooke

I’ve decided that my impossible goad will be working on my marriage. I have been married to this kind sweet man for 25 years, in the early years I loved him so deeply, then life happened, our son died, we lost our home, we were bankrupted twice, we had 2 epic business failures that cost us everything, and the resentment and anger grew inside me like a cancer. Somedays I can’t stand the sight of him, we often don’t even sleep in the same room. We are both suffering and so our two sons (aged 11 and 14 years) we have always fought hard and loved hard but I don’t want this anymore, neither of us do. Mike won’t change, even though I desperately want him too, but I fell in love with him because of his kindness and good heart, he still has both these wonderful qualities. I am unfortunately bitter and angry and seething with resentment, I blame him and have contempt towards him.
I want to work towards excepting him totally and finding our way back to the deep love we once shared. I don’t even know if this is remotely possible, it will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life – forgive him, let it go and change my story about him. I don’t really know where to start, most of the stories about him in my head are, he has let me down so many times and I can’t trust him anymore.

C: My husband Mike
T: he always lets me down, he is weak, I can’t trust him
F: resentment, hate, anger
A: yell, scream, hurl abuse, a divisive unhealthy miserable relationship
R: we are both miserable and failing to have a happy healthy relationship which also impacts our kids

C: My husband Mike
T: I totally accept him
F: acceptance and tolerance
A: I can act in a more loving way towards him
R: we begin to get closer in our relationship

Wow, this is massive for me, I feel I am going to fail before the ink even dries, it will need to be a complete about face in my thinking which will be incredibly difficult given I have nurtured and fed these awful thoughts and feelings about him for more than 25 years!

Any feedback is so appreciated.

Many thanks