Fear of speaking our truth in the moment vs. cleaning our mind first before speaking up

Hi Brooke,

When I am in conflict with my partner, or anyone for that matter, I have a tendency to clam up. I rarely go out on a limb to say things that will shock or hurt the other even if part of me really wants to do that. These thoughts, opinions, beliefs, observations, etc., I may have had for a long time, years even. In these circumstances, I listen mostly and feel the various feelings as they come up in me. I chose carefully the thoughts I express to them. However, I feel very ambivalent in the way I act. Part of me thinks I am a coward. I should have the courage of my convictions and be authentic! The other part of me thinks I am being wise. Why bring my “shit” the relationship when **I** could be the problem! Which I think is more in line with your teaching. This thought does not make me feel good at all though. I feel like I am in hiding, not being fully myself. I see my go-to thought pattern: “Oh it’s me, it’s surely my fault…”, “I should know better and will take the responsibility for the situation”, “let me think this through first”. Ultimately, these thoughts stomp out my spirit. I feel like a door mat! I put people’s feelings ahead of mine. And I think people have come to expect a more passive stance from me too. In fact, friends and colleagues have told me I am too nice! Do I really have to do all the mind work before speaking up my truth?

Can you please advise?