Feeling alone

Today’s TDL had a lot to do with friendship and relationships in general. On default, I detach and withdrawal from people when I have thoughts that they can’t meet my needs or don’t want what I have to offer. I’ve learned so much in this program and what’s really helping me is to realize that those are my thoughts and not the persons action or inaction. Lately my brain wants to keep going back to my old way of thinking so I did some though work today about the topic and what’s coming up for me.

T: I feel really alone
F: sad
A: don’t reach out to anyone, detach from my husband, don’t socialize at work, spinning thoughts that turn into more negative models for me
R: I am alone

I had a really hard time putting the C in the UIM. I wanted to get really factual so I was thinking about the amount of times I’ve socialized this week or the last time I talked to certain people, but I kept arguing with myself about what it means to be close to someone and my brain kept telling me I have no one to be close with anymore. It was very interesting to watch but I’m not sure I’ve moved past the argument in my head.

T: it’s up to me to feel love and closeness
F: curious
A: think about how I want to think and feel about the people in my life, do models, choose intentional thoughts, write them down, practice them, allow urges to feel alone and pity
R: I create the feelings I want

Doing the intentional model helped me so much in my self coaching today (and feel free to edit it and make it better lol). I thought going into today’s TDL that this was too big of a problem to be helped by doing a TDL and models, but I’m coming out of this session feeling curious and gratitude for myself for showing up today. And most definitely gratitude for the opportunity to do this work! I’m tearing up as I write this because I’m so so so so grateful that I have the tools to help myself right now. Thank you!