I had to go to my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s house to bring a medication for my daughter. When I was there my daughters told me they went to his parent’s house and ate dinner inside. I have a lung condition and have been advised by my pulmonologist to avoid getting Covid as I am at risk for poor outcome.

I have urges to talk to my husband in a negative way as a potential way of protecting myself. I feel unprotected and don’t know what I can do to protect myself. He is completely aware of the lung condition and the warning from the doctor. He has told me his parents have been unsafe during Covid. He has already received the first vaccination. My two daughters and I have not, nor has our 24 year old au pair from Columbia who lives with us.

Prior to our separation, he rarely visited his parents with the girls, said he had a bad childhood, didn’t want to be like his parents/family or be around them. Now suddenly in August, after visiting his family for 7 months, he has been bringing the girls there often.

I feel angry, afraid, hurt. I have no legal recourse. If your child has a high-risk condition you can take legal action, but if you do, there is none. He is full on into he is not going to do anything that is not legally required of him – and trying to get out of some of those things too.
I am trying to figure out in a number of areas how to protect myself and stick up for myself, be genuine, get a good outcome. I’m feeling reactive and like a failure/inept for feeling reactive.

Models are:

C: girls tell me their father took them to his parents and they ate inside during Covid
T: he hopes I die. He doesn’t care if me/the girls get sick.
F: scared
A: Want to tell him that I do not go to work and my daughters and live-in au pair have no “close contact” exposure so if we get sick, we will know it is from him or exposure that came from him brining the girls inside someone’s house without masks
R: I feel like I’m warning him, but still feel as if he is putting me & the girls at risk and he doesn’t care about us.

C: Same
T: he hopes I die. He doesn’t care if me/the girls get sick.
F: angry
A: urge as above – want to tell him that we will be able to trace our exposure to him, because I think he thinks he can do whatever he wants and nothing will ever come back to him
R: still feel angry and scared

C: same
T: He doesn’t care if I die. He hopes I get sick.
F: hurt
A: urge to tell him that he may be able to evade the law and he may have no conscious but I pray to God that his karma gets him.
R: I still feel hurt, but at least feel as if I am sticking up for myself a little bit.

I feel like saying these things to him. I’m not sure the result for him and that seems important. But if I try to act in a way I don’t feel to get a better result from him that seems more manipulative than just saying what I think. Then I am worried I am being reactive. But if I’m not reactive, then I tell myself I’m not being authentic and I am being manipulative because I want to get an outcome I will only get if inauthentic (maybe). And tell myself I’m not sticking up for myself.
This seems “bad.”

I know I have no control over him, however in this case, it feels as if just giving up could have very bad negative outcomes for me and my girls.

Appreciate any help. Thank you.