Feeling resentment in marriage

I’ve been married less than 5 years to a man I met online and dated largely long distance before getting married and having kids.

C – husband
T – He’s not who he said he was.
F – resentment
A – cringe at his touch, avoid sex, share less and less emotionally, regret marrying and having kids with him, beat myself up for not dating him more traditionally because maybe I could have prevented all of this, pay less attention to him, spend more time alone
R – insecure (his word) husband, I’m unhappy when he’s around, continued fighting, husband demands sex (leads to more fights)…and husband is still who he actually is.

I struggle with an IM because I’m not exactly sure what feels authentic. I can tell you some things I have tried:
-Thoughts that lead to feeling Apathetic
-Feeling Resentful but “going through the motion” Actions (like sex)…left me feeling used and depressed
-Dropping the manual: I worked for a long time on this, and while I don’t expect him to do things or act a certain way like I used to, I find it hard to like/love him or want to sleep with him just because I’m married to him.

My brain is VERY tuned into the negative about him, but I guess the result I want is to first resolve my resentment?  Or does that come after trying to like the person I’m actually married to?