Feeling Trapped

I read another question you answered that is a parallel to my life. “Need help with managing the thoughts about my husband and the manual I have for him” was the title of the question.

At the end of it, you asked, “What would I be thinking if he changes his current situation?”

Those thoughts include, “That’s attractive. He cares. He takes care of me. He prioritizes me and the kids. He lives in the real world. I feel safe. I can focus on the kids. He inspires me. He’s a man of his word.”

Then you asked, “What is stopping me from thinking this now?”

Answer: I don’t believe it. Actions tell us about a person. They tell us what they actually prioritize. They tell us where they actually are and what they care about most. This matters in a marriage. I don’t want to be carrying the bulk of the weight in this family and marriage. Once I earn enough money to support us, I struggle to see value in staying married to him.

He helps out around the house and with the family but doesn’t give it much forethought on his own. He just asks me what he can do. Which I appreciate in many instances, but carrying the mental weight of the family is difficult. I feel like I don’t have enough mental space left to create my own business because I am carrying the mental weight of the family.

I just want a life partner that will carry his weight, and be in this life with me. My husband plays videos games. Which I don’t mind once in a while. But he plays enough to interfere with his sleep and my sleep. He plays while he works. He spends a lot of his mental energy thinking about games, playing, and planning games. All while we struggle financially and are living with his parents.

I’m done with this life. I want a home of our own. Enough money to be financially independent. I struggle trying to create a life with someone whose mind and heart are not in our life. I don’t want to be with someone who spends most of his time in a fictional world.

As I write these words, I can see the hypocrisy in them. In many ways, I live in a fictional world and am not present. I am not a good life partner for him or pulling my weight. I am not present or giving much forethought about the family.

Yet, I still really struggle with his behaviors and feel trapped because of them.

I would really like to not feel trapped.