Interesting, I am now starting to notice some of the feelings I really want to buffer over are frustration and impatience. I have been very frustrated with things not going my way lately, and I had a scheduled joy eat and I basically totally binge ate it – I wanted to disappear. I “just needed a break” from the frustration. I also notice that if I’m sitting in traffic, I immediately pick up my phone to distract myself from the feelings of impatience and frustration.
I don’t like these feelings. They feel kind of strong and urgent, and like steam is going to fly right out of my head and I’m going to explode.
I don’t want to feel frustration or impatience. I really don’t.
I guess the solution, like everything else, is to allow those feelings? I kind of think that frustration and impatience are “bad” feelings, like, if I were just enlightened enough I wouldn’t have them.
So for example.
C: In car at traffic light, foot on brake, other cars passing by the other direction
T: This is f*cking terrible, I hate this city
F: Impatience / urge to pick up phone
A: Pick up phone and mindlessly scroll something useless, I don’t feel my impatience, I buffer, I don’t learn from my emotion
R: This is f*cking terrible, I hate this city, except now I have a phone in my hand?
C: looking for a new apartment
T: I’m not going to find what I’m looking for / nothing ever works / everything is so hard (some rendition of this)
A: Research harder, vent to my friends, feel like I’m going to explode
R: I don’t find what I’m looking for and things are more difficult than they need to be
So like, what, I’m just supposed to FEEL impatient and frustrated? That kind of sucks.