Massive Action and Boundaries

I have relationships in my life that I take massive action in. I try every angle to make them work when in reality, I am ignoring my own values and boundaries in order to maintain the relationships.

How do I love these people AND stop putting so much energy into the relationship when they clearly don’t respect my boundaries after I have made them known?

It feels so uncomfortable to pull away, but it also feels nice to protect myself.

I am working on my thoughts about them because I want to have nice loving thoughts. But, I don’t want to equate unconditional love with unconditional giving of myself, which is my lifelong pattern. I want to put energy toward and cultivate relationships with myself and people who respect my boundaries.

I have this thought that I am not compassionate or empathic or loving if I don’t maintain the relationships at all cost.

Am I still a good person if I distance myself from people/even family that I have these long histories with in order to respect my values and boundaries? Is it normal for this to feel so uncomfortable?

Thanks in advance for your coaching.