How to find your truth – part 2

Hi Brooke,

I am so grateful for your support and that I am part of SCS so that I can ask you these questions to an issue that has been causing me to suffer for a number of years.

You nailed it in one – should I change my circumstance or change my thought about my circumstance?

I have had a career as a graphic designer for 19 years and have carried self doubt with me for the whole journey. I am a good designer, have a great portfolio, repeat work and much praise, but with every brief the thought in my head is “I don’t know if I can do this.” As a result, I put enormous pressure on myself to perform, to meet the perceived expectations of others which 9 times out of 10 I do. But this pressure gives me regular migraines and I often crumble. Add into the mix emotional sensitivity and an inability to cope with negative office politics. Freelance has been a welcome solution to this, where I can set my own schedule, and easily remove myself from situations that feel uncomfortable. But at the same time, I know this is me running away from myself.

I have lost my desire for my career because it is painful to constantly feel like I am trying to jump through hoops. Trying to please everyone with no guarantees. I’ve left a job a few weeks ago, having my emotions get in the way again, and am back in the same spot I have been in many times before questioning if this career is the right one for me. I don’t want to carry these same issue to another career. I want to be able to cope, to be consistent and not let things affect me. I want to show myself I can do this in my current career before making the decision to try something else. But I can’t seem to find the thoughts that this is 100% possible.

Below are a few models (before and after) but although I can logically see how a different or opposite thought would make me feel different, how do I truly and always believe it?

C Design work
T I don’t know if I can meet their expectations
F Self doubt
A Push myself to try and make it happen
R I make it happen but suffer inside

C Design work
T I have no doubt I can meet their expectations
F Confidence
A Create the work
R They are happy with the artwork

C Design work
T If I’m good enough then design should be quick, easy and painless
F angry, confused
A Look for career alternatives
R Can’t find a new career that I know will I’ll be good enough in

C Design work
T Designing is quick, easy and painless because I am good enough
F Calm, peace
A Create work with ease
R Great work and calm mind

C Design work
T I can’t handle the pressure
F Overwhelm
A Quit
R No job

C Design work
T I can handle the pressure
F Confidence
A Design with ease
R Fulfilled in my job

C Design work
T I have to meet their expectations or they’ll think I’m no good
F Stress, pressure
A Put contestant pressure in myself while creating artwork
R No confidence in meeting their expectations

C Design work
T I always deliver best work because design is my strength
F joy, fulfilled
A Design with a full heart
R My client and I are satisfied with the design

A huge thank you for your help,