So here’s what I came up with on my thought download. I was really surprised with where my mind went:
I’m failing and I’m accepting that I’m lazy and complacent. I will never lose weight. I will always be on the sidelines. That’s sad. But that’s who I’m meant to be. Wow. Are these real feelings? I’m doubtful. I always thought I love myself. I guess I do, but I love myself as this soft, comfy, cushy person on the sidelines. How I view Mom. Wow. Is that enough for me? I will be Mom, I don’t rise higher than that. Out of respect for Mom. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m better. Pick out the same couches, same house decisions. Trying not to rise above Mom and Dad. Maybe they could be boosting me on their shoulders. How have they prepared me to rise higher? That could be a tribute to them. They can lift me up. Do I want (my son) and (my daughter) to stay at my level or rise higher? Rise higher. Feel better and more comfortable than I do. Does Dad want me to feel more comfortable than he does? Does Mom?

Unintentional Model:
C: I’m overweight
T: I will be at the same level physically and emotionally as my mom
F: Complacent
A: I don’t put in any real effort to change anything; I accept that I binge eat and fall off program
R: I’m overweight

Intentional Model:
C:
T: I can chose different outcomes than my parents.
F: Inspired
A: Really commit to urge jar/food journaling/stop binge eating at night
R: Lose weight, feel better about myself

What do you think? And how to I proceed to work with the intentional thought? Search for evidence? Journal it? Write down positive statements of the new thought?

Thanks! I’m excited!