I decided to move in with my boyfriend because I was thinking he is my future husband and he’s amazing and yes I want this. Logistically both of our leases are up around the same time. So I decided to go all in and now my brain is freaking out. I am noticing myself looking for reasons why he may not be the right person for me, thinking he doesn’t manage his mind (which lol it me), worried that I will lose myself and give up all of my goals and I won’t be able to be myself living with him, thinking that he doesn’t really like me, we don’t have anything in common (whereas before I was thinking we don’t have anything in common and it’s not a problem at all). I am reacting to things he says and taking offense I guess because I am anticipating he’ll reject me so I am looking for evidence of that in what he says to me. I am afraid to let him see all of me. Wow I think maybe that’s the heart of it. I have noticed how much my own opinion of myself changes how I feel about him and our relationship. When I feel great about myself and am managing my mind, I feel really great about him and us. When I’m not, I’m doubting him and us.
I think part of it too is I value meditation and personal development and coaching and he’s not as much into that stuff as I am, if at all. So I am disappointed about that. When I question why I want that it’s so I can feel connected and maybe even validated. I can do those things for me though so that I can manage my mind and create connection and loving feelings intentionally and unconditionally.
So my question is, this fear that is coming up is my primitive brain trying to keep me in the cave? I am thinking there might be something “deeper” than the thoughts I shared above and am struggling to get clear and out of fear.