Just wanted to follow up on yesterday’s post, in which I dared to lead with love where my unloved-by-me boss was concerned. This morning I woke up thinking, I’m beating myself up over this, then I read your reply, which was in part, it sounds like you’re beating yourself up. We were totally on the same page! That’s what I do, I always think I’ve done something wrong, especially in my reaction to other people’s behavior. So, I think my self-coaching is working, because my self awareness really has improved. You also suggested that I start to see my boss with compassion. I was naturally reluctant at first but you’re absolutely right. In my heart I know that anyone who puts people down must really feel bad about themselves. People with self worth and self confidence want other people to feel that way, too. So, my dare for today was to try again, this time with compassion for my boss and myself. I did think/feel better and when the negative thoughts/feelings came up, I accepted them as part of my 50/50, not a sign that something was wrong with me. I know this is a journey and I can’t expect my brain to quickly switch after so many years of negative thinking, buffering and general lack of self awareness. I just want to stop beating myself up for my negative thoughts/feelings/reactions. I have a habit of blaming myself, of thinking that I’m weak, for what I’m not even sure! I guess for not going back at my boss and telling her off when she’s rude, for putting up with things, but I’m learning to be okay with who I am and how I show up and no, it’s not perfect and that’s okay.
Just wanted to thank you for yesterday’s response and let you know I’m still daring myself to lead with love not just for my boss but also for myself, too.
Thank you for so much support XOXO