I totally want to understand this so I can improve upon myself but I’m not completely understanding some of the responses regarding the friendship
Here is a copy below of the response: I am responding in uppercase to some of the statements that I want to understand.
Really be willing to ask yourself why you’re wanting to show up for this relationship in this way, why you want to think of it so negatively and complain about your friend?
(I GUESS I DON’T SEE IT AS WANTING TO SHOW UP FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP SO NEGATIVELY AND COMPLAIN BUT MY THOUGHTS ON THE DYNAMICS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP MAKE ME HAVE THOUGHTS THAT LEAD TO BAD FEELINGS. IF THIS IS HOW I AM SHOWING UP FOR THE RELATIONSHIP THEN IS IT A MATTER OF ME NOT LIKING HOW I THINK AND FEEL ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP AND THEREFORE SHOULD NOT BE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP? I CAN ONLY CONTROL MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS NO MATTER HOW SHE BEHAVES I CAN’T CONTROL HER, SO THEREFORE ARE YOU SAYING IF THIS FRIENDSHIP IS CAUSING MY THOUGHTS TO BE NEGATIVE LEADING TO NEGATIVE FEELINGS…THEN THAT IS WHAT I NEED TO EXAMINE?
Treating someone else in a way we wouldn’t care to be treated ourselves really does give us the result of our own disregard.
IS THIS IN REFERENCE TO THE EXAMPLE OF HOW I RESPONDED TO HER TEXT MESSAGES TO ME AFTER THE WEEKEND MY SON GOT ENGAGED? I SEE THAT HOW I RESPONDED IS NOT HOW I WOULD HAVE WANTED TO BE TREATED. WOULD IT HAVE BEEN BETTER TO THINK, “I SEE SHE IS WRITING THESE TEXTS TO ME WHICH IS SOMETHING I WOULD NOT HAVE TO HER IF SHE WERE HAVING A BIG FAMILY WEEKEND…. AND ACCEPT WE HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENTLY AND JUST HAVE RESPONDED WITH SOMETHING LIKE, ” IT WAS SUCH A BUSY AND WONDERFUL WEEKEND THAT I HAD NO TIME TO TEXT YOU ABOUT IT ; BUT WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT TOMORROW??”… AND ALLOW HER TO FEEL WHATEVER SHE WANTS AND AT THE SAME TIME MODEL OUT A USABLE MODEL THAT WOULD GIVE ME MORE POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND THEREFORE FEELINGS?
I really want to understand this better so I can learn how to grow within myself and my relationships and what type of relationships bring me more positive thoughts and feelings. I would never knowingly complain about her or treat her in a way I would not want to be treated. Yes, my response in the example of the text message sounded harsh and yes it was written impulsively. So, can I have some more clarification on the original responses you gave me from the first post?
The other person doesn’t really feel it; we do. In understanding that, we can make compassionate choices around others that really give us the experience of our own friendship and love
I KNOW I WAS PROJECTING MY NEGATIVE FEELINGS ONTO HER AND YES I CAN MAKE COMPASSIONATE CHOICES IN RE-THINKING THIS. BUT, I JUST DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO MAKE COMPASSIONATE CHOICES AROUND HER TO GIVE ME THE EXPERIENCE OFMY OWN FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE. I DO THIS WITH MANY FRIENDS AND OVERLOOK OTHER’S SHORT COMINGS. I’M JUST REALLY CONFUSED.
She can’t be ‘not good for you’ or ‘good for you’ – you have to be good for you, by thinking about yourself in a way that feels good, and then you will know what to do about her.
I’M NOT SURE BUT FROM READING THIS I THINK THE ANSWER IS I ALLOW MYSELF TO FEEL THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND DO I WANT TO CONTINUE WITH THIS OR NOT? I’M NOT SURE I CAN BE SO COMPASSIONATE AND KIND WHEN I USUALLY ALLOW MYSELF TO FEEL LIKE A BAD FRIEND BASED ON NOT REALLY FEELING LIKE I CAN BE THE TYPE OF FRIEND SHE NEEDS. CAN I JUST TURN IT AROUND JUST TO TRY AND MAKE MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS MORE POSITIVE. I DON’T KNOW IF THAT IS POSSIBLE. COULD THIS JUST BE A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS JUST NOT NECESSARY FOR ME.