I was making coloured foam with toothpaste, water and food colouring, and hand mixer for my 2 kids to play. The 3 year old was with me at the kitchen bench, and the 6 year old was on the kitchen floor painting with the foam I already made: pink and yellow.
The blue foam that I was working on was ready, so I asked my 3 year old to give it to his sister. And he walked, put the blue foam gently next to the yellow and pink that sister was using. And sister said “i don’t want the blue foam there”

And I was triggered. I was expecting my daughter to just say thank you. So I hugged my daughter, said very patiently that she needs to say thank you. But she didn’t. She said she is scared. And I kept holding her, she had tears.

I could feel I was getting angry. In other situation in the past, different stories, but similar reaction on my part, I would have screamed at her, potentially threw away her foam and demanded that she said thank you. I didn’t this time. But I was still unhappy, and daughter still unhappy. She went to bed straight afterwards actually, at quite an early time, without saying thank you.

The first thought was she is such an ungrateful brat. She is going to grow up to be a terrible woman. She is not going to love her brother. And honestly, they won’t have any cousins, so when my husband and I are dead, her closest family would be her brother.

But the biggest thought that I just found was “I have to change her!”

So even though I am nice to her this time, compared to the other times, I am still forcing her to change.

Such a revelation.

Such wasted mental energy worrying about everything.

Oh well. Hi worrying brain. The vibration is heavy heart and choked throat.

The thought is not useful.

Much better to think, my daughter is being a 6 year old. I don’t have to change her. Things will work out.

Because honestly, she is such a great kid. They play together so well most of the time.