Brooke,

Ugh. I don’t like that when I’m making momentum in one area, something pops up in another. But, alas as you say, half of life is ass. Yes. Okay. Feeling my feelings. Doing my best to separate the drama.

So here’s the deal: a friend is not responding normally to me. I’ve racked my brain to see if I’ve done or said something that was offensive or rude, since the last time we talked, because she’s acting different. Two word texts, very vague and un-engaging (not bad/rude) just none conversational. Also, I think she unfollowed me on social media (which is totally okay, btw).

My thoughts:
She’s upset with me.
She doesn’t want to be my friend.
I offended her somehow and she’s avoiding me.
Oh no, what did I do?

So my unintentional models-
C: Received two worded text from friend.
T: She’s upset with me.
F: Sad.
A: Show less love. Avoid her. Ignore it all together. Distance.
R: No more friendship.

C: Received two worded text from friend.
T: She doesn’t want to be my friend.
F: Like a victim.
A: Hide. Cry. Trust slower in future friendships.
R: More victimhood.

So my intentional models-
C: Received two worded text from my friend.
T: You don’t know what she’s going through and it likely has nothing to do with you.
F:
A:
R:

C: Received two worded text from my friend.
T: No need to assume that it has anything to do with you.
F:
A:
R:

While in theory, those intentional thoughts sound better on paper and I kind of feel better, but I still feel sad and down, because she’s never acted this way before in our friendship, but I literally have zero idea of why/what’s going on. If the friendship hadn’t been full of substance, I wouldn’t care so much, but we’ve talked about everything and gone deep—career, work, business, religion, race, politics, deep secrets, fun stories, etc. and it’s been good and we’ve both invested into it. I feel like it’d be a waste to lose it. Sigh. Now, that I’ve written all this out, I might be overanalyzing it. Lol.

With that said, I know this is a waste of energy and mind space, and I have better things to focus on than this… but I don’t want to lose her as a friend, when I don’t know what I did wrong. I’ve reached out and still nothing, but vagueness, one word answers and no engagement. And I keep trying to ignore it, and focus on other things, but it’s hard, because I’m a pretty direct person and don’t like tension. Plus, all my friends know if you have an issue with me—please tell me or bring it up, I don’t do or understand the passive aggressive stuff well at all. 🙁

Have you ever had a friend go distant or became almost none responsive with you for no reason? How did you handle it and what would you do in this situation?

Thanks,
Melodee