For most of my life I’ve struggled with the thought of not being liked. Thought I’d nailed it. But today, I went to wish my sister in law happy birthday on Facebook and noticed we are no longer friends and she is not friends with my husband either.

My thought was – she’s shunned me and I don’t know why! She’s had some fights with my husband lately (her brother) so I wondered if this was the reason. But the reason is hers, and regardless, I felt gutted, sad, tearful.

So I emailed her instead and said HB, a cheery message, and then “tried to Post on Facebook but noticed we aren’t friends, sent a friend request for you to accept or not.”

She sent a brief but friendlyish reply and accepted the request, and said she’d ‘sorted the Facebook thing out.’

So, why do I still feel so yuck? I wrote a few models but am still feeling a bit awful. Rejected I guess.

C = friends or not
T = she doesn’t like me
F = rejected
A = get upset
R = seek closure/reasons/to find out if I have her approval!

New model
T = she gets to choose how she feels
F = want closure
A = keep thinking about it (but at a lesser intensity)
R = feel a bit better and like I can get on with things

I’m wondering if this is just a time that I need to sit with discomfort, as I notice the feeling intensity is getting lower, or, whether I should model some more.

Help appreciated!