The other day I came home to find myself accidentally locked out of the house. My husband and 11-year-old daughter were home. I knocked but there was no answer so I assumed my husband was in the shower and couldn’t hear me. I was trying to figure out how to get into the house when I heard my daughter sobbing from her room. I knew that she was upset about something that happened in class (she’s doing virtual school). This has been an issue with her on and off. She gets very upset when she thinks she’s not doing well.

So when I heard her crying and I was locked out of the house and couldn’t get to her I panicked and frantically tried to figure out how to get into the house. I called her phone twice but she didn’t answer and I could still hear her crying. I was afraid that if I didn’t get to her she would do something like harm herself because she has done that in the past. And also I have never been tolerant of hearing her cry. I have always felt a frantic desperate need to be able to get to her and not even help her stop crying but just to be able to get to her so I know she’s ok and safe.

I ended up just banging on the door as loud and as hard as I could so someone would hear me and let me in. As I did that the door popped open and my husband appeared (he didn’t open the door, it just happened at the same time) and I lashed out and said “don’t lock the F@#$%ing door!” So of course, he got mad at me.

Later he said, “I can’t believe that you thought I would ignore her when she was upset.” But that didn’t even cross my mind. I thought he was in the shower and didn’t hear her or me. But when I found out that he was with her the whole time and heard me knocking and calling and ignored me, I got even angrier. But he wanted me to apologize. I didn’t.

So my model is:

C – I was locked out of the house and no one opened the door for me
T – He must be in the shower so I have to get in the house because she’s crying
F – Frantic
A – Called phone twice, banged on the door as hard as I could, spun with my thoughts about what would happen if I couldn’t get to her, lashed out at my husband when the door finally opened and he came downstairs
R – I’m having a hard time with my result because I can’t tie it back to my thought. The result is that he pushed me for an apology and I didn’t apologize because I feel like he contributed to the situation by ignoring me.