Hello, so…I drew a boundary with a neighbor who treats me badly. Background: She works from home (even before covid) and for years has asked me to help with her computer, gardening, laundry, online bookkeeping, ‘helper work’ (i.e. meals, bed making, laundry) when she had a boob job and hip replacement etc. I always immediately say yes, changing my plans, dropping what I am doing, even though she complains that I never do enough or well enough and has plenty to say about this to anyone who will listen. (Oh goodness, sounds soooo petty when I write it out, ugh).
I am a life long enabler, so this situation is not new. It’s something I’m working on. However, she asked me to do her shopping a couple of weeks ago and I said no, and suggested a shopping service. She was ‘effing furious and let me know it. I held my ground and just didn’t respond, which is new for me. I have not seen her since but today she sent a text apologizing for her behavior and asked to be friends. Truth, I enjoyed not having to do chores for an ungrateful person, it has been peaceful and I’ve had more time. Anyway, I don’t know how to respond, I’m always pulled toward ‘making things better’.
C – Neighbor apologized for her most recent bad behavior toward me.
T – She knows I will forgive and forget and she will just go right back to asking me to do shit for her and I’ll do it. It’s sucking the life out of me – trying to please someone who is ‘unpleasable’. (This all feels so familiar, hi dad. )
F – Used – (Another way to feel like a ‘victim’ I have realized while writing this, something I’m quite good at.)
A – Not responding immediately and trying to ‘fix’ things, asking in Scholars instead.
R – To be written.
What are thought suggestions that would help me to respond in a healthy way and get off the victim/enabling roundabout?
Thanks in advance.