Going back to past ways of eating

Hello, I am new to scholars and 20 from Melbourne. Being this age, a lot has changed across the past few years since leaving school, and for other reasons that exacerbate this situation.

I used to be heavier in school and then after school, I got sent by my parents to my home country just to sort my head a little because I was going out a lot and lacked direction outwardly. I came to learn this was just due to low confidence and self-esteem issues.

Coming back to Australia I was so different and so much happier, and still, now I have grown my confidence and use healthier practices throughout my day, with a more balanced mind.

I lost around 30 kilos from Ireland (2017) until the end of 2020, but this year I’ve moved out of home and just fallen off the wagon. It’s so disheartening and I’ve gained back around ten kilos.

I feel so disappointed not just because of the number but just to be back in such a fear state mentally. I may not have been eating as much as I could’ve before but now I’m so insecure, constantly adjusting etc.

I feel like I’ve lost control and I know Brooke says to sit with resistance (my issue is end of day eating – coming in from work or university and just overeating). I would love to know a thought to sit with an urge rather than resist it. I just don’t know what to do, and I feel I need a passion to distract me but I don’t have that. Sorry for the long-winded message but I feel background may have aided this question.