Going back to the past to change it

I would like to talk about the remorse, regret and intense pain that takes hold of me whenever I think about what I did wrong in the past that could have saved me so much suffering today.

My husband is leaving me, I love him and the thought of this separation destroys me. The worst thing is that I tell myself that it is my fault, because at one time I didn’t know how to love him properly, I wasn’t enough this or too much that. And so every day for the last month, I have suffered intensely thinking “I should have, I could have, why didn’t I, etc.” and I want to go back in the past and change everything, and I tell myself that I’ve ruined everything, etc. And I’m not sure I can do that.

How can I stop with this haunting and so intensely painful thought? All I do is play the film backwards and flog myself, regret, blame myself, hate myself, and I go so far as to have panic attacks when I think about how happy we would be today if I had acted differently…!!!

It’s unbearable.
I don’t know what to do. Can you help me?
Sorry and thank you…