Great Call and Follow Up

I love being able to be coached! I had a great call and I wanted to get some follow up help. We talked about my goal which is to increase my income so that I can pay off debt and save. What I have been looking at is getting another job. I feel like I should get any job and if I don’t then that means I don’t want my goal badly enough. Model below:
C – Jobs
T – If I don’t take any job, then that means I don’t want my goal badly enough or my future.
F – Guilt/Selfishness
A – Beat myself up by thinking (I’m a failure, my husband has to make all the money, I’m so selfish because I don’t want to work for us), push myself to do something
R – ??

The coach and I talked about jobs that I don’t want to do. We also talked about me considering jobs that I do want to do where my thoughts already start out positive because then I may be able to create value quicker vs. working on my thoughts first to get myself there. But to me, that still feels wrong. I feel like my husband judges me then and that I’m not willing to work hard enough to get there.

I guess I don’t believe that I can go for jobs that I actually want to do. Like I am obligated to do things I don’t want to do just to get to my goal and so that I can help provide for my husband and me.

We also talked about why I want to get to my goal of paying off debt and saving. We talked about this model below:
C – Debt
T – I want to redeem by bad choices with money and myself.
F – Obligated
A – Take any job that I don’t want
R – More bad choices

I think I want to get there because then I can feel better about money and the choices I’ve made myself.

I guess I am looking for permission too, to go after what I want and that, that’s okay. Lastly, I think I am afraid to answer the question – What do I want to do? How do I want to contribute value?