I have/had a good friend that I hurt

Hi Brooke!
I’m super excited about being a part of this program. It really is true that we all have similar issues that we are dealing with and listening to other callers helps us with our own issues.

On the call tonight, you coached a mother through her issues with her teenage daughter. I can certainly relate to the mother/daughter issue. Been there done that and thankfully for Stevie…it will get better as her daughter gets older. You certainly gave her some solid advice.

My issue is that I have/had a good friend that I hurt. I became very frustrated with her and spoke about her to another friend behind her back. I admitted my guilt in this situation and asked for forgiveness. She says that she has forgiven me. However…we have numerous mutual friends and I feel like she has a need to have all of the friends in her court. I have never tried to influence any of them. Actually..I haven’t even told any of them the story.

She unfriended me on facebook and blocked me right after the incident. Then almost a year to the date of her unblocking me….I started to see her comment on posts that I had commented on. As soon as she figured out that these people knew me…she started trying to gather that person into her “tribe”. It really hurt me tremendously. I am not a mean person or a hater as she likes to refer to me and other people who don’t agree with her. I really don’t have any other enemies that I know of. I spent a lot of time crying over this.

Your coaching call tonight is going to help me with this. I’m excited to put it into practice.

But..here is my reason for writing….her husband is in a hiking group with my husband. Before this happened…the group used to get together for dinners, parties, ect. Last year…she and her husband had a big party that we were excluded from. I tried really hard to take the high road and not ask my husband to leave the hiking group. He went on a big hike with them about six months ago. It really brought up a lot of things that I have been trying to ignore. The biggest problem I have is that he is allowed to be a part of this group…but she won’t be anywhere near me. I expressed this to my husband. He agreed not to be a part of the group anymore. This helped me a lot. I was able to put it out of my mind and not be continuously reminded of how badly she hates me and wants others to hate me.

Recently some of the group…asked him to go on a hiking trip to NC. I started having all of the same old feelings. I told him that I would rather he didn’t go. My question is….am I being unreasonable? I don’t want to be unreasonable. But…part of me thinks that the other members of the group should tell her to grow up and get over this. It has been about three years since it happened. She says that she forgives me…but has no interest in having a friendship with me. I don’t feel like I want my husband to have a friendship with a man whose wife says that she doesn’t want to be my friend…even though…I don’t really think I like the person she has become.

Can you help me sort through this? I’m sorry to be so long winded.

Thanks, Jill