Help with my jealousy model.

okay- I have a great question for you. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m jealous of someone, I try to make myself feel better by judging them so I can feel justified. I realize that this isn’t a sustainable way to live, nor is it fruitful for growing whatsoever. Not only do I do this, but all the women in my family do it as well. Here is an example of what I mean:

C: SIL tells me that her and her husband go on lots of expensive dates every month.
T: Wow, must be nice. Wish I could just unapologetically make comments like this. Who do you think YOU are?
F: jealous
A: Acts like a victim therefore tries to focus on other things to hopefully bring about positive feelings.
R: Still goes on with life with unresolved wounds.

C: SIL tells me that her and her husband go on a lot of expensive dates every month.
T: Well…….they must HAVE to go on a lot of dates to keep their crazy marriage together… *evil laugh*
F: justified
A: goes about day with a sense of justice that feels kinda wrong…. but yet SO enticingly right.
R: Does not grow, and forever remains a jealous hearted (and now justified) person.

Ok. How can I shift my thoughts here to where justified isn’t my feeling (and ultimate goal)? Even though my feelings went from jealous to justified, this is still not acceptable. Why do people do this?

Is this just yet again another form of avoiding yourself?

Thank you for any insight.

I made 3 big goals for 2018, and one of them is healing my jealousy of my Sister in law. So I’m a work in progress!