I really think that a lot of my chronic anxiety and chronic pain comes from me suppressing my feelings. I have been working on this for a while but still struggle with what feeling looks like.
Is just being aware of the feeling enough? Giving the feeling a name and describing the sensation in your body?
Tonight I brought up to my husband that I needed time between when his mom leaves from her stay with us for my one-year-olds bday and when we leave for a 4th-of-July trip with my one year old. I am responsible for planning the party, planning the bday pictures the following day and packing all three of us to leave that same day.
I am working on preparing my mind to have a better experience with his mom but it typically has not gone well in the past. I am working on not letting what she says about me have an effect on how I feel but have not mastered that yet. So I know this situation will be stressful. I expected he would say yes an extra day is fine but instead he got very angry with me saying that he made this nice dinner and all I want to do is talk shit about his mom and added in can’t he just enjoy the week of his birthday?
This caught me off guard. I tried to explain but it was useless. I felt fear and anxiety. Tense pain in my neck and the feeling of my blood pushing from the inside to get out in my arms and legs. I felt sad that I can’t have a conversation on a sensitive topic with my husband.
Sorry for the long scenario but my question is… in a situation like this do I work on my thinking… remind myself my husband can do and say whatever he wants and it doesn’t need to affect how I feel. Or do I express my feeling either by crying or screaming at him or going off to cry privately?
I felt the intense urge to say everything is fine and push it down.