**** Help with model

I feel scared. I have a coworker on probation who is my friend. I think she is being treated unfairly because boss dislikes her. I don’t feel safe to speak up. This boss used to target me and I now just kiss up and she leaves me alone. I don’t like being a kiss ass. I do this with my brother and sister to keep the family peace. I hate these feelings and now am off protocal. Every day I try again but I give up on myself. I am believe I cannot trust myself. I feel overwhelmed. I was making great progress with SCS since I joined in Oct and now I feel lost. I have listened to all of the podcasts over and over. I am doing my homework and my weekly calls. Not sure what to think. Models feel to big a leap cuz I am so depressed and scared of my disappointment in my backslide with victim thinking and choosing to buffer. Just want to cry and sleep. Where do I start to dig out from this.