Holiday fun: Thoughts about Mother-in-Law

Hi Brooke and coaches. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about my mother-in-law. We are choosing to schlep our two kids across the country to spend Christmas with her. We really want the kids to have relationships with their extended family. And I’m (choosing to) dreading it. The latest issue that has come up is that she keeps saying that our second son, a baby, is soooo much happier and mild mannered that our first was (who is now nearly 5). She says it pretty much every time we talk. Based on video, daily written journals and our own memories and those of his babysitter at the time, this is factually inaccurate. Son #1 was a happy and highly baby, too, though he didn’t love bedtime/sleep. My husband says it doesn’t matter what she thinks about this. We know the truth, who cares, let it go, it doesn’t impact how she treats the older one, or his relationship with her, or really anything, etc. I am incensed that she is telling untrue and negative stories about the first one. I’m so worked up about this. I’m thinking of it as an injustice. And yet more evidence of her not listening, not paying attention to others, and basically disempowering everyone around her. Her way is the only way. I am not ready for an intentional model like the one my husband has, which is, “She is who she is. let Gran Gran be Gran Gran.” I’m at the place where I still want her to change. Ha. And I want to be annoyed at her, at least for now. It’s like I’m still choosing to believe she’s a “negative circumstance.” But I’m trying to figure out how I can maintain some calm during our extended stay at her house without ruining my own experience through thoughts/stress about her. I have a lot of work to do on this, I know. Any thought recommendations for my upcoming trip?