Hello, I am new to Scholars.

My question is how do I get myself to actually prioritize my health and my goal of conceiving and having a happy, healthy baby? I work full time, have 2 step-kids, teach yoga, and of course have cleaning/cooking to do at home. I am absolutely in LOVE with our little boy who is almost 5 and we are so close. I have a hard time connecting with the 10 year old girl because she has said a lot of hurtful things to me, does not listen, hits her brother, is very spoiled, and more.

Their mother only sees them one day a week generally. Their grandmother takes care of the children a lot and doesn’t enforce caring or respect, but from what the little boy and girl have said, it’s negative coming from this woman towards me and no matter what I do for the children it is never right. I have been called names, put down and just in general treated with terrible disrespect. I have felt hurt almost daily from what they have shared with me, including what my future husband has shared with me (also how she treats him is nasty). I am afraid to confront it, as we have had disagreements in the past and I tend to get defensive and upset and can’t find the right words.

We have some household help, get takeout a lot to prevent the work/dishes, but I ALWAYS am still overwhelmed with laundry and my things. Plus wanting to be a good step-parent so I am also spending time with them, learning ways to be a better parent, etc.

I have gained about 15 pounds, none of my pants fit, and am starting the URGE jar and so far it feels amazingly helpful to actually tell myself it’s not going to be easy. I am over 40 and from what I understand diet and lifestyle, low stress, and being in a state of JOY is so important to conceive, but with all that is going on these basic needs end up the last on my list.

I haven’t shared any of this with my parents, we postponed our beautiful wedding that was going to be at a winery, and are just plugging along with no end in sight… I guess my question is WHERE do I start? I know this is a lot!! Thank you!