How much should we care for other people’s feelings? Should we?

I love the thought that everyone is responsible for their own feelings. “It’s not the people hurting you, but you hurt your own feelings”. That makes me feel so empowered. However, I know that in difficult times for me, my live-in boyfriend was patient with me and didn’t necessarily tell me things, knowing I might interpret them wrong, have a negative reaction, act hurt. His point is, that yes, we are responsible for how we feel, but we should also be attentive to other people. It looks like he was accepting following “my manual”, how to treat me during that period of time. And I am so thankful to him for giving me that space. But I have a hard time placing this kind of behavior in the relationship (that I appreciate and benefited from) into the paradigm “everyone is responsible for their own feelings”. For me it breaks the paradigm. Thank you for your thoughts on how to put this picture together.