How to allow social anxiety in the most crucial moments

I have social anxiety. I had a wonderful 1 on 1 coaching session on how to address this, and one of the suggestions given to me during this call was that I should try to “change my relationship with anxiety”. Upon reviewing the call recording, I really wish I had asked: “what exactly is the best way to go about changing my relationship with anxiety?”

This emotion, when I have it, feels very powerful and out-of my-control. Even though I know that resisting it makes it worse, and buffering it away with alcohol will simply mean I have to deal with it later, I never feel like I have any real control over it in the moment. I think social anxiety and performance anxiety are especially terrifying to me because if I am having a conversation with someone or giving a presentation, it is next to impossible for me to “hold space” to consciously allow my anxiety because I am simultaneously trying to maintain the conversation/presentation without faltering. Can I fully and effectively process my anxiety before a conversation or presentation? or are there any specific tricks or tips I can use in the actual moment during my interactions to overcome this? Does it really just take practicing a new thought 100x’s…?