I like believing I am responsible for my own TFARs and only I can hurt myself.
However, I also believe I can hurt others and others can hurt others.
T-I can hurt other humans (under this are 2 other Ts: I am responsible for how other humans feel; I have to rescue people from pain)
A-not hold the space for others and allow them to have their own experience; if they appear to be struggling try to get them out of it; sometimes behave in ways that aren’t really “me” if I think it will help someone else have positive thoughts and feelings
R-perpetuate my beliefs listed in T line; possibly even hurt other humans by manipulating their life experience
I believe my dad hurt my family and I when I was young. He physically hurt my mom and scared the shit out of us as kids, with death threats and telling us something was wrong with us if we were upset after one of his tirades. My parents are still together and I spend time with both of them.
I have worked through several unhelpful belief systems that I think developed in my upbringing and I enjoy so much more peace and love and compassion with myself and my parents and am so grateful for that. But when I’m around him, though he hasn’t hurt anyone physically as far as I know in decades, he still holds and shares what I think are potentially dangerous belief systems and I find myself thinking :
T- he could hurt someone
A- paying attention to him when I’m around him, looking to see if he’s doing/saying anything that I think could be harmful
R- hurting myself, b/c I think I’m perpetuating my belief that if he can hurt others, I can hurt others and am responsible for how they feel and those thoughts are not serving me well.
This belief about myself being responsible for others seems so deeply tied to my beliefs around my dad and I’m having trouble changing either of them. I don’t know that I want to change my beliefs about my dad b/c I’m perceiving them as helpful, helping keep me on a bit of higher alert around him so I’ll know if I need to intervene or set a boundary before anyone is hurt, but overall I think my belief about him is perpetuating beliefs about myself that aren’t helpful.
So appreciate any insight here, thank you!!