I’m struggling.

I want to love my husband, but I can’t.
I’ve been in SCS for almost 6 months and have made huge gains, and this one, I have avoided mostly til now.

I feel arrogant that I want him to change.
I feel annoyed that he says he wants to change and then doesn’t.
Yes he has evolved and I should honour that.

I want all of those statements to be different.

C- what I think about my husband.
T – I want to be thinking differently
F – frustration not at myself in a mean way, just frustration because I want something different
A – carry on my own life without him even tho we share a house and raise two awesome kids
R – nothing changes

(Man that model is depressing)

C – what I think about my husband
T – man that is depressing
F – melon hot
A – cry
R – Feel what is there.

So this is where I sit. Even tho I’m sad, I like it better than been frustrated with myself. If I toy with other thoughts and feelings nothing really feels right or real, at least not right now..