My lower desire for sex with my husband has been a problem brewing for a while but I’ve been avoiding it because I’m not sure to do about it. Initially I thought there was something wrong with me because it was as though my desire dropped off a cliff after having kids. I started learning more about how women process desire differently and told my husband about this (thinking back, I think did this to subtly hint that having lower desire is very common to women). I got triggered when he said that I should know / tell him what would make me feel more desire because if I did, I would already be doing it?

C. Husband said: “The call you listened to isn’t very helpful then, if you don’t know how it applies to you”
T. If I knew how to ‘fix’ my desire, I would already be doing it
F. Defensive
A. Blame him for not doing stuff like setting the mood
Think he doesn’t understand me
Avoid / don’t make time to be intimate
Secretly feel relieved if we are overscheduled on the weekends and don’t have time
Don’t feel attracted to him
R. I’m making it harder to feel more desire / be more intimate

I’m not really sure what I expect him to do on this matter other than leave me alone. My brain keeps wanting to make it his fault that we’re not emotionally connected enough. And because we’re not emotionally connected, I can’t feel as much sexual desire as I used to. I also believe that “I can’t create connection with him unilaterally”. Ideas on how I can think thoughts to feel more connected to him without wanting him to change?