My husband and I work really hard, including evenings, and we have two kids.. I feel like I never get the alone time I need for self-care (yoga, journaling, going for a walk by myself). I’m reaching total burnout, so I just say I’m having an evening off to do yoga / journal, then he moans and groans about looking after the kids so that I can’t enjoy myself and feel guilty.

C: Husband makes frustrated noise and punches the air like a crazy person while cleaning the house and looking after the kids.
T: He’s letting me know he’s really tired. I still want to be alone and do a yoga but now I can’t enjoy it.
F: Guilt
A: Try to change his emotion by explaining to him why he shouldn’t moan and groan when it’s my turn to have a break. I want him to look after the kids without complaint and see how much I need to recharge so that we can have a good relationship and I can be a good mother.
R: He says that he didn’t make a frustrated noise and I feel gaslighted. He goes quiet and we have a cold war.

How I want it to be:
C: Husband makes frustrated noise and punches the air like a crazy person while cleaning the house and looking after the kids.
T: I give him the freedom have any emotion he likes without it affecting my mood (this is a really hard thought for me!)
F: Peace
A: Take the time I need to recharge without guilt, come back refreshed and happy.
R: We stay connected and no words get spoken that affect our relationship, even though he’s frustrated about looking after the kids.